About Me: THE COFFEE-GRINDER CHRISTMAS

In my senior year of college, I married my best friend. He was a graduate student on a stipend so we had little money. I had saved $15.00 for his one Christmas present and hoped to find a vintage coffee grinder with which he could grind the fresh roasted coffee beans he preferred.

I had had no luck and now it was Christmas Eve and I was taking one last walk in and out of shops in the antiques district of Baltimore.

I queried each proprietor and they invariably said I’d have to look myself so I went all the way to the back of each shop, tiptoeing to see on top of tall shelves laden with stuff, peering under tables and into dark corners, even peeking into “staff only” areas. No luck.

GUEST BLOG by SGT. SHERRILL on the CENTRAL ASIA INSTITUTE'S BLOG

In this season when we anticipate the birth of the Prince of Peace, this heartfelt poem by Sgt Sherrill expresses my own hope for the work that is going on in Afghanistan below the drones with the next generation - children so eager to learn and grow in whatever direction they are bent. What kind of education are they getting about the United States? Will the Central Asia Institute, Women for Afghan Women, other NGOs and the Sgt Sherrills of our military presence prevail or will the messages of the Taliban and our drones win the next generation? How will you participate in the outcome?

Behind the Wall
by Sgt. M. Douglas Sherrill, Jr.

I hear the voices behind the wall,...

The Kitchen Sink: CONSUMERISM

From my friend N.J.R.

Regarding the way things work......

Once upon a time there was a SAINTED but unsung hero who invented the shower.  Boy, it didn't take long for that one to catch on!  Soon, everybody was taking a shower, and our world was much improved.  Then, another guy came along who modified the shower head to make the spray adjustable......... Hmmmmmm....that really was an improvement and everybody got the new shower head.
 
Along comes another guy who gets the idea to sex the whole thing up by inventing a pulsing shower head.  Then, this whole thing evolved into the hot tub by putting the pulsing shower heads under water into an enlarged bath tub. Wow, that was popular too...and muy sexy. Then the conservationists got on board and the "water-saver" nozzles were invented, and that was better yet.


Well, THAT is how capitalism works....... and that is what has made America such a hugely productive economic engine.  THEN...

Parenting: THAT TONE OF VOICE

On one of the calls my son made from college, I was a bit late in picking up the phone and, unbeknownst to either of us, the upstairs answering machine recorded the whole conversation. We chatted amiably about this and that and then I remembered that I had sent him vehicle registration papers that he needed to fill out and return by a certain date. As I told him this news, he said, “There you go again with that tone of voice, Mom,” a frequent complaint. And I protested as usual, “What tone of voice?” “That 'gotta make sure my kid handles this' parent tone of voice that says you don't trust me.” 

I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought I was just emphasizing something important. I did think of him as responsible and thought I was just giving him a reminder.

As I was getting into bed that night, I saw the message machine blinking so I pressed the play button. I smiled, happily reliving our conversation until the part about the vehicle registration when there it was – “that tone of voice.” It did indeed sound like I did not trust him to do the job.

Gitalongs: ANGST REFINED

He came in the front door with a cheery “Hello!” looking spiffy in his business suit. His kids, wife, and I responded in kind. He set his brief case on a chair in the hall and came into the kitchen. In the space of one minute, he crossed the kitchen to his wife at the stove, gave her a noisy kiss, raised the cover on a simmering pot (“Ummm that smells wonderful!”), crossed the kitchen again to kiss me, said “Stay for supper. Be back soon,” and went upstairs.

When he came down 20 minutes later, he was dressed in casuals. We called the kids to dinner and had random conversation with them about the kids’ day at school and my friend's and my work in our gardens. After dinner, the kids were excused to do their homework. My friend said, “Abby and I were talking about all of us taking a trip to the Eastern Shore tomorrow.”

Oh, I'm sorry,” came his response, “but we have other commitments.”

“We do?” she asked, puzzled.

Bread Crumbs: GRIEVING THE LIVING

Christmas, a season that emphasizes family gatherings, may be especially difficult for those who are grieving the living.

My friend, a spiritually grounded apostate, got a letter from her born-again daughter disowning their relationship and forbidding my friend any contact with her or her family of two beloved teenaged grandchildren and her son-in-law.

Another friend lost her son to drugs and yet another grieves loss of contact with highly successful children who have moved far away, make no effort to stay in touch, and chat only briefly when she calls them.

A couple I’ve known since we started raising our kids together nurtures their two adult sons who are marginally making it because of mental health issues.

I myself grieved the end of a marriage – the triple loss of a parenting partner, a once friendly and intimate relationship, and a social role. As in my first friend’s case, divorcees too may lose beloved family members and friends - people who “don’t want to take sides” or don’t know how to handle a “third wheel” in their social scene.

Wordage: PLACE GAME

This delightful wordage pastime was posted by qcghost.blogspot.com as Where I Have and Have Not Been

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

Politics: CLEVER HALLELUJAH CHORUSES

Every Christmas season Handel rolls over in his grave at the various revised renditions of his magnificent oratorio. The first one should make him grin, the second will make him spin!

From the Children and Townspeople of Quinhagak, Alaska

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=LyviyF-N23A 

***************************************************************************************************************
Hallelujah Corporations! An Excellent Rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus--


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws0WSNRpy3g

The Kitchen Sink: THE MOST POWERFUL AMERICAN POET

What do you think is the most powerful, most influential poem ever written in this country? Which one has changed our American culture, our economy, our relationships, influences our state of mind and behavior whether we know it, like it, or not, and continues to impact our children's lives more than we may want to acknowledge?

Gitalongs: SELFISH ALTRUISM

When my father informed me that altruism was actually selfish, I was horrified!  He maintained that the only reason we do nice things for others is out of duty or to make ourselves feel good. It took me years to admit that, indeed, when I am intuitively and spontaneously pleasant and generous it’s because I like being that way. It makes me feel better to be that way. It makes me happy to see other people happy. My life is easier, more pleasant.

Is this realism or cynicism? I reluctantly concede that perhaps Dad had a point. Maybe the closest we can come to the total altruism of giving up our life for another -  as on a cross or the Titanic, or in military combat - is Enlightened Self-Interest? Are we only doing good to do well?

About Me: A MATTER OF MORELS

When I would explain to my 16 or 17 year old “children” something I thought they must do, or why I thought things “needed” to be done my way, my son would hear me out and then say, “Got it covered, Mom.” or “Don't worry, Mom, you raised me right, and now I get to decide this one.” or “Gotta trust your parenting, Mom.” When her turn came three years later, my daughter would say: “Mom, do I need to hear this?” or “I'm sorry you’re still having a problem on this, Mom, but I'm not worried about it, so you don't have to be either.” or “It’s just not my problem, Mom. Good luck working it out.”

I’d have been grounded for weeks had I addressed my parents in that manner! But my kids weren't being insolent. These things were said with quiet self-confidence and sincere, sometimes amused compassion and tolerance for the difficulty I was experiencing in letting go of my “parental entitlement” to meet their childhood “need for guidance." Wasn’t it my privilege and my responsibility to nurture them with advice? Mothering was a role I enjoyed and that I knew needed to be phased out at some point, but my kids were understandably more aware of the step by step process than I. They were usually gentle with me, but firm. We all knew I still had ultimate veto power but because they were responsible kids I seldom felt the need to use it.

Parenting: UNTYING APRON STRINGS

Instead of actually “cutting the apron strings,” my kids gently and firmly, even lovingly, helped me untie them. With love and good humor, they persistently peeled my single-parent mothering off their backs. For about three years each, they worked on developing new relationships with me. I did my best to reciprocate. Having insisted on and modeled mutual respect since small kid days, I was still able to put my foot down on occasions when I felt that the price of their bid for self-determination was too high, but only after very thorough discussions. If I regressed into intrusive “parental entitlements," they were sure to remind me that pulling rank was not how we did things..

One of our more difficult win-win solutions came the first year my daughter had her license. She wanted to drive some friends to a New Year’s Eve Party in my car. She was an excellent driver, a very responsible person, no highways would be involved, and she promised to have only two beers in the four hours she'd be there. I was concerned that she would be distracted by rowdy, drunken friends or hit by someone else on this night of drinking. I was scared silly for her safety and told her why. She heard and understood my concern and we worked on it together, both explicitly aware that my trust in her honesty and good judgement was the bedrock for her growing freedoms.

Poetry: GIFT

 

I would give you strength,

But you are too strong already.

Then let me give you of my weakness,

That you may rest a moment from your earnestness,

Lean against the walls you build, and play with river lights.

A poem written by my grandmother, Florence Mariah Piper Way to her husband, Charles Henry Way.

During the depression, my grandfather, an architect out of work, cleared his fields of boulders and rocks and built over a mile of mortarless rock walls around his fields and garden. I wonder if this poem was written in reference to his labors or his quiet reticence.

GIFT a poem by Florence Mariah Piper Way (1880-1952) is published by Abby Freeborn and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. For permission to use contact randmxcentric@gmail.com

Da Kine Stories: HAWAIIAN METAMORPHOSIS

During the 16 years I lived and worked in Hawai’i during the 1990s, I observed many of my Hawaiian friends, acquaintances, and people I met in recurrent meetings and activist gatherings as they were going through what I came to see as a personal, social, cultural and political metamorphosis. This painful process is a response to the renaissance of Hawaiian culture that sprouted in the 1960s and has been growing and flowering ever since. Hawaiians I have known seemed to move from their culturally innate aloha through hurt and rage to a mature life-choice to live aloha. That choice is the most important step they make in reclaiming Hawaiian culture and the most difficult.

What is amazingly sad is that, to this day, most of the world is still ignorant of the history of the Hawaiian Islands, the suffering of generations of Hawaiians, and their exemplary response to injustice. This is true in spite of the fact that people from all over the world enjoy Hawaiian vacations and come to live permanently in the Aloha State. I submit that even the following very inadequate thumbnail sketch is preferable to perpetuating that ignorance.

Bread Crumbs: HELP FROM OVER YONDER

I sat with my sister-in-law, a woman in her forties, as she succumbed to uterine cancer. During this final transition, I fussed about trying to help, washing her face, giving her sips of water or a bit of Popsicle to clear the taste each time her body purged. She suddenly stood up from her La-Z-Boy.  I rose to steady her but she barked at me impatiently, "Ab, you've got to let me go!" 
 
She rearranged herself in her chair and cried out, "HELP me!"  She wasn’t talking to me. Then she said "Okay" and paused with her eyes closed, “okay,” pause, “okay,” four times - each “okay” more calm, more determined than the last. And then she was gone. ‘Though her body still purged, I sensed the moment she left.

Wordage: FREELY BORN WORDS

Contributions Welcomed and Credited
Unless otherwise attributed, Freely Born Words are created by Abby Freeborn and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. If you have a different source for any of the words listed below, please comment so proper acknowledgement  can be made.


E-dress or Edress  (e`dress)  - (n) contraction of "e-mail" and "address" designating a piece of internet contact information

‘Druthers (‘Dru`thers) - (n) contraction of “I’d rather” used to designate a preference (e.g., “We could come Tuesday or Wednesday. Let me know your ‘druthers.”)

Commercemas (Com`merce`mas) - (N) name of the modern quasi-religious commercial celebration that begins on November 1st each year in America engulfing the religious holy days of All Saint's Day and Christmas, the secular American holidays of Veterans Day and Thanksgiving, and the religious seasons of Hannukah and Advent