The Kitchen Sink: LIMITING THE AMERICAN DREAM

The argument that people only work for rewards is a popular one with several of my friends, two of whom are millionaires. They explain to me that, if you take away the rewards (by which they mean monetary rewards), people won't work. Wealthy, middle income, or poor, they define and limit the American Dream to capitalistic ideals and that limited edition has become the political religion of our times. But I think that belief in capitalism as the one and only motivator and guide says more about those particular friends and folks like them than about the human spirit in general and actually short-changes their own humanity.

These friends have bought the simplistic myth of capitalism as a raison d'etre - I work, therefore I am. This misunderstanding or simplistic focus leads many of them to labor long and arduously at jobs they don't enjoy, and more of them fail than succeed. Hence the1%, the10%, and the 89% we see today.

By defining the American Dream as a narrow, a-moral economic system, they are liable to miss out on the true riches of the broader American Dream and the lifestyle it offers.  A good many of us define the American Dream more broadly and deeply as the freedom to be yourself and exercise your gifts for the good of yourself and your community - which includes the planet on which that community rests and by which it is supported.

Parenting: GUILT TRIPS

Power struggles between teenagers and their parents take many forms. My children knew that the "when" of performing family responsibilities was negotiable but that the "what" and "why" were relatively fixed. Until adolescence they were generally very co-operative. At that point, my son's bid  for autonomy took the form of long, creative arguments about the rationality of my leadership and the necessity for his capitulation vis-a-vis family responsibilities. He wanted to insist on "win-win" solutions so was usually amenable to compromise, although I was often characterized as a social dinosaur. (More about those interesting encounters later in a separate post.)

My daughter was a cheerful, helpful child until she also reached that developmental stage of "addled essence" when the underlying issue of her autonomy became more important than the overt task at hand. On those occasions what she wanted was to have her way, be in charge of her life. She wanted to win. That perhaps subconscious want was probably intensified as a result of years of being under her older brother's thumb as well as mine. She was conflicted, however, because she was basically a wise, rational, loving and obedient human being who hated conflict and emotional confrontations.

Her last stand, if I asked her to do one of her chores or help me around the house when she wanted to go out with her friends (a standing preference) and she felt the negotiation was not going her way, was to accuse me of trying to send her on guilt trips. Knowing that I tried to be a reasonable, flexible parent and as fair as possible, she would try to use that against me to make me feel guilty by blaming me for the guilt she felt for being defiant rather than reasonable and not following her own higher instincts of parental respect and pulling her weight at home. She was clearly bidding for at least a pyrrhic victory in the end by implying that I was being devious and unfair - a bad parent. I understood her struggles, but did not accept responsibility for the pain her conscience was giving her. 

Politics: SHARIA LAW IN AMERICA?

Watching the news of 2/16/12 and Congressman Issa's panel of men trying to pretend that they were not interested in the birth control insurance coverage issue raised by President Obama but only in the separation of church and state would have been funny except that what they did to legislative processes and what they're after isn't funny. Of course, the ruse didn't work; the pundits had a field day with the lack of women on the panel and the effort to promote the idea that most sexually active Catholics do not use birth control.


But from my window on the world, the pundits missed the best talking point of all: Sharia Law. Mostly male Christian elements in our legislature have previously done and are presently doing exactly what fundamentalist Muslims do when they impose Sharia Law. The rules they seek to impose may differ from Islamic extremism, but there are two important similarities.

About Me: WHAT HAPPENED???

Some wit has proclaimed that inside of every 70 year old is a 20 year old wondering what happened. That wit is right on. As my daughter remarked, the older we get, the more like ourselves we become, but I thought as my body aged, my personality would change with it. It hasn’t worked out that way. There’s this major disconnect. At times, if I think about things in advance, I adjust gracefully, but sometimes I am the quintessence of fuddle-brained frustration! A few examples:

I was once a prodigious multi-tasker who could do six things at once. Now if I do two things at once, I'm distracted by a third, then a fourth as I deal with the elements of the first two.  Too often I'm lucky to complete one! Several emails and video clips on the internet let me know I'm in ever increasing company judging from the number of times they arrive in my inbox.

Poetry: FLAT CHAMPAGNE

Sunday, when we were together,
The energy of our connections
Bubbled like champagne.

But Monday we looked at the bottle,
Read the label and wondered:
Is this stuff good for us?

We re-corked the bottle - to save the
Effervescence - but it didn’t work.
By Tuesday, the fizz was gone.

Parenting: SOCK THERAPY

My son came home late one day during his first year in high school, paced around the kitchen and started to rant. 

“The Principal really ticked me off! He is so unfair! “ When he sat down in a chair and toed off his shoes he saw his toe poking out of a hole in his sock. He first pulled the hole to cover his toe, but as his rant continued, he began picking and pulling at the hole. 

“I was trying to break up a fight (rip goes the sock) and got sent to the office (rip, riip) with the guys who were fighting (rip) and I got blamed (rip, rip, rip) and we weren’t allowed to explain (two-handed RIIIIP) and I had to apologize (rip, RIIIIIIP) and serve detention (rip, rip, rip, rip), and I’m so mad I want to break something! (RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPP)”