Poetry: GIVEN TO

by Ruth Berbermeyer

I never feel more given to
than when you take from me –
when you understand the joy I feel
giving to you.

And you know my giving isn’t done
to put you in my debt,
but because I want to live the love
I feel for you.

To receive with grace
may be the greatest giving.
There’s no way I can separate
the two.

When you give to me,
I give you my receiving.
When you take from me, I feel so
given to.

-

Song “Given To” (1978) by Ruth Bebermeyer
from the album, Given To.

The Kitchen Sink: CRUSTY SAYINGS

With apologies to whomever may have said this before the source cited:

“It takes two people to create a work of art - one to paint and one to tell him when to stop.”     Snowden Hodges


My friend Snowden is Head of the Art Department at Windward Community College and an established Hawai`i artist. His remark applies equally well to writing.

Crusty Sayings collected by Abby Freeborn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. For permission to use or correct a source contact randmxcentric@gmail.com

Gitalongs: THE WANTS/NEEDS GAME

We become adults when we finally get it that, once we pubesce, there is no one on the planet whose job it is to meet our “emotional needs” except ourselves. In the first place, there are no such things as emotional “needs”--- “wants”  a-plenty, but no needs. A need is something we cannot remain alive without. The needs list is short: food, water, shelter from prolonged exposure to hostile elements, and sufficient warmth to maintain functional body temperature. We can live without any emotional interactions at all - as hermits and recluses demonstrate - and still enjoy emotions. The only emotion we actually need in order to survive is fear which, in appropriate doses, warns us of real or imagined danger.

It’s okay to have emotional wants. Emotional experience enriches our lives. And it’s okay to ask for help from a friend if we're feeling stymied, lonely, or vulnerable, and want to connect on some emotional level. But when we try to control (expect, demand, and/or manipulate) others to meet our wants by insisting that our wants are needs we are being dishonest and childish - refusing, or somehow unable, to grow up. That is a recipe for frustration because, aside from the protective/instructive aspects of raising kids safely,  the only person one is entitled to control is oneself.  And that effort is challenge enough!

The Wants/Needs Game by Abby Freeborn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. For permission to use contact randmxcentric@gmail.com

Bread Crumbs: ALWAYS UP FOR A PARTY?

I worked with a woman who seemed desperate to do a lot of nothing. Her family hired me to "keep her active." They were distressed that she was “giving up.”  When I visited, she was blandly disinterested in whatever I suggested. The house was always immaculate, the TV was always on - but the only thing she watched with interest was The Dog Whisperer.

She was a different person when any of her family stopped by – animated and eager to please – agreeing with whatever they suggested. When they left, I would prompt her to follow their latest suggestion. “Not today,” she would say. “I’m too tired.” It quickly became clear to me that she had no intention of fulfilling her family’s desire for her to act younger than she felt. She only made that effort when they fulfilled her hunger for their company.