Parenting: SOCK THERAPY

My son came home late one day during his first year in high school, paced around the kitchen and started to rant. 

“The Principal really ticked me off! He is so unfair! “ When he sat down in a chair and toed off his shoes he saw his toe poking out of a hole in his sock. He first pulled the hole to cover his toe, but as his rant continued, he began picking and pulling at the hole. 

“I was trying to break up a fight (rip goes the sock) and got sent to the office (rip, riip) with the guys who were fighting (rip) and I got blamed (rip, rip, rip) and we weren’t allowed to explain (two-handed RIIIIP) and I had to apologize (rip, RIIIIIIP) and serve detention (rip, rip, rip, rip), and I’m so mad I want to break something! (RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPP)”

Da Kine Stories: HAWAIIAN METAMORPHOSIS

During the 16 years I lived and worked in Hawai’i during the 1990s, I observed many of my Hawaiian friends, acquaintances, and people I met in recurrent meetings and activist gatherings as they were going through what I came to see as a personal, social, cultural and political metamorphosis. This painful process is a response to the renaissance of Hawaiian culture that sprouted in the 1960s and has been growing and flowering ever since. Hawaiians I have known seemed to move from their culturally innate aloha through hurt and rage to a mature life-choice to live aloha. That choice is the most important step they make in reclaiming Hawaiian culture and the most difficult.

What is amazingly sad is that, to this day, most of the world is still ignorant of the history of the Hawaiian Islands, the suffering of generations of Hawaiians, and their exemplary response to injustice. This is true in spite of the fact that people from all over the world enjoy Hawaiian vacations and come to live permanently in the Aloha State. I submit that even the following very inadequate thumbnail sketch is preferable to perpetuating that ignorance.

Gitalongs: THE GUNNYSACK AND THE HANG-UP TREE

Some days when we arrive home from work at the same moment, I see my neighbor stop and admire a dogwood tree along the pathway from his car to his door. Some days he just eyes it as he passes, perhaps nods and smiles at it. Other days he appears to examine it for quite a while. On one such day, curiosity got the better of me and I hailed my friend as he was gazing at the tree. My friend half waved and continued to look at the tree. I approached quietly and looked at the tree to see what was so interesting. When my friend finally turned to me, I asked, "What are you seeing that I don't?"

Gitalongs: THE SIX PRIMITIVE EMOTIONS

Let's use use your hand, palm up, to explain the six survival emotions of our primitive brain.


Let your palm represent LOVE –- acceptance, attraction, protectiveness, nurture are a few manifestations of love:
Let your pinkie represent JOY –- confidence, peace, happiness, contentment are manifestations of joy; 
Let your ring finger represent GRIEF –- sadness, loss, emptiness, heartfelt angst, vulnerability;
Let your middle finger represent PAIN –- physical and/or emotional discomfort, feeling vulnerable;
Let your pointer represent FEAR –-  uncertainty, lack of control, vulnerability, fight or flight;
And let your thumb represent ANGER –- hot rage or cold fury, a protective/defensive response to Grief, Pain, or Fear.

Now make a hard fist.